During a meeting of the 100 Coaches Marshall and Morag took a few minutes to talk about her new book You, Me, We. Why we all need a friend at work (and how to show up as one!).
Dr. Marshall Goldsmith – Thinkers50 #1 Executive Coach and New York Times bestselling author of Triggers, Mojo, and What Got You Here Won’t Get You There wrote the foreword for You, Me, We.
Foreword:
Building real connection with others in the workplace has always been a challenge, and this challenge has been magnified in recent times, when many of us have been pushed out of our offices and into remote worksites—often our own homes, kitchens and bedrooms. Gone are the in-person watercooler discussions where new ideas were sparked, and relationships built. In its place are endless Zoom calls, decreased visibility, and increased isolation.
And while we hope that the forces that pushed us out of our offices will soon abate, simply putting people back into their cubicles doesn’t mean that they will connect and build deep and lasting relationships again, assuming they had them to begin with. It takes much more than hope to fill in these ever-deepening relationship gaps.
So how can leaders, and the people who work with and for them, build connections in these disconnected times, and why should they even bother?
In this insightful, thought-provoking book, Morag Barrett, Eric Spencer, and Ruby Vesely explain in detail not only why we should work intentionally and thoughtfully to build connection with others, but also provide a powerful roadmap for how we can do it.
At the heart of You, Me, We is a model called the Ally Mindset, originally developed by Morag in her book, Cultivate: The Power of Winning Relationships. The Ally Mindset is how we show up in the relationships that matter most to us. Do we build up one another or tear each other down? I have coached executives in far too many organizations over the years where the negative relationships have outnumbered the positive ones, and these negative relationships have caused great harm—interpersonally, financially, and in many other ways.
The Ally Mindset model comprises five practices: abundance and generosity, connection and compassion, courage and vulnerability, candor and debate, and action and accountability. To be a true ally to others, you must embody and demonstrate these practices in equal measure. And when you do, you might be surprised by the tremendously positive effect you have on those around you, both at work and in your personal life.
So how do you know when you’re in the presence of an ally?
They have the same goals you have. They are happy to be your sounding board, listening intently to your ideas and suggestions for improvement. They work with you instead of against you. They’re straight shooters—they tell you the unvarnished truth. They’ve always got your back.
Ultimately, this book is all about moving from me to we.
As the philosopher Lao Tzu wisely stated centuries ago, “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” Ask yourself, ‘Where am I heading? Am I pointed in the right direction?’ If the answer to that last question is ‘no,’ then change your course. The day we take the first step to turn our colleagues into trusted friends and allies, is the day we truly begin to love our work, our companies and our lives.